Thursday, October 23, 2008

"I had a dream........"

I had a dream last night that I actually would classify as a nightmare. My dream was not a vision of things that could be, although I guess that would be possible, but a dream in which I woke up wondering if there was a message in it for me. I really hate it when you have disturbing dreams and wake up feeling shaken and inadequate.

In my dream I was on this singing team that went to churches to lead worship. Everyone on this team was around my daughters age. We were just going up on stage when all these girls, four of them, told me that I was to old and couldn't keep up with them. All the way through that night they kept taunting me about how inadequate and slow I was to be singing with them. Needless to say I was devastated and couldn't understand why they hadn't said anything before. And why were they humiliating me publicly. They felt that I should have known that they were way out of my league. I was just to old to sing with them. Thankfully, I woke up. But that nightmare left me wondering my question of today, "Is there an age in which you should quit doing the things that you love just because you are a certain age?"

I'm 50 and to this point I have been on a worship team most of my life. I am wondering if there is an age where it is inappropriate to be on the team when everyone is younger than you? Throughout my life there have been times that I have thought that there are people who should realize that their time has come and it's time to be your age. I find that I wonder that for things like dress, hair, behaviour etc. Now I find myself wondering if that extends to ministry?

I have heard it said often that it is time for the younger generation to step in and lead. Up til now I've been okay with that because I was that generation. Now here I am stepping over that thresh hold of the older generation and I find myself wondering if that means it's time to give up being part of a music team because right now I'm gray haired and over 50.

So again my question comes up "Am I to old to continue singing for worship in a church that has young music? Is there only certain music that you publicly do that is age appropriate?" or "Should I should just dye my hair and try and fool the world into thinking that I'm younger than I am?" (By the way I'm not judgemental on coloring hair.)

Do you think I'm going through a midlife crisis?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Vanity, Vanity, All Is Vanity

The other day my funny bone got a tickle when I realized how well we women fake things in life.

Last week we started our bible study group that we call Lifegroup. It was at our house and I thought how nice it would be if I started the year off right by providing something homemade for the snack at coffee time. I decided that chocolate cake would be the best choice cause.....who doesn't love chocolate? (Other years everyone who came knew to expect bought snack from me.) As I was cleaning house I was thinking about getting this cake on the go and where to find the right recipe to gain the desired result of surprising everyone. I could smell the cake baking in my mind and I could see it sitting on the cupboard on my pedestal plate making mouths water.

Well, as I thought of all the processing this would take I found myself in the pantry looking at my shelves wondering where I had put that Devils Food Cake mix. Ah Ha! .... there it was, and guess what? Right beside it was that frosting in a plastic container. Just the right amount for one 9x13 cake. And here is the best part, the cake mix only needed 2eggs, 1/3c oil, and 11/3c of water. Mix for 1min, yes 1 whole min. and pour in a rectangle pan. This was only going to take me about 5 mins. from start to finish. Frosting takes another 3 mins. and whala! done. A total of 10 mins at the most with all the ripping of bags, buttering of pan and cleaning up afterward. (For any of you that really know me, know that I don't really like cooking and baking so this was the ticket to making me look really good.)

Later that evening as we came to snack time my hubby announces that I have baked a cake for coffee time and that is when it hit me in my funny bone. It was all I could do not to burst out laughing because I had not really created anything but I still was going to look good.

Now isn't that just like us women? Anything to make us look good and feel better. Fake hair color, fake nails, fake faces (botox), fake boobs, fake cakes ...etc.

This is the price we pay for our vanity! And guess what? We Love It!!